OKAY. Who here has an art drawer? We have one of those little plastic storage containers, it has three drawers in it. I use one for all of the crap I don’t want them having, the pens, glue, glitter, paints, tape (why I ever thought it would be a great idea to have these artsy fartsy crafts in my house that I don’t want them to use blows my mind!). The middle drawer is for the coloring books, and the bottom drawer is for loose colored paper. I have this little storage container “hidden” (out of sight out of mind is what I was going for) in a closet in the toy room, up on a shelf, so hopefully all of these art supplies I spent money on to try and be the cool mom that crafts with her kids, can just sit there and gather dust.
Today, while I was sitting on the couch feeding the baby, my middle naked child went in the toy room. The older naked child was loudly vroom vroom vrooming his lego airplane all over the living room. All was calm and normal (HA calm and normal, insert massive eye roll). The baby quickly became milk drunk, passed out in my arms, and I was hoping I could cuddle him quietly, without interruption, for just a few minutes. Wishful thinking works, right?
BANG, CLASH, BANG. Then? Pens starting rolling under the door that was quickly slammed shut. I ask Noah to carefully open the door and see what his mischievous brother was up to. “Oh, mom its fine, he just knocked down all of the pens and is coloring on the door. I promise you mom it’s okay, Im just going to help him pick them up.” Yeah, sure, you’re going to help him color all over everything is actually what you meant to say. I get up with the baby that is now wide awake, and they were actually sitting there playing nicely and putting stickers all over each other! I tiptoe back out of the room to go and feed the baby again, hopefully without interruption this time (who am I kidding?).
All of a sudden, I hear snickering and this weird sloshing sound. Then it got really quiet, and it stayed quiet. Now if you’re a parent, you know silence is never golden! Sorry baby, momma’s gotta put you down again to go see what kind of crazy scene your brothers are making this time!
I open the door to blue. Everywhere! They managed to climb up on the shelf, get the bag with the paint in it, open the paint, and creatively decorate all over. The carpet, the door, the wall, themselves, each other. I didn’t know whether to yell, laugh, or cry, so I did all three! I stupidly told them to go to the bathroom and wash their hands, and I say stupidly because THEY HAD PAINT ALL OVER THEIR HANDS. That means that my bathroom door, sink, faucet, toilet lid, bathtub, floors, now all had blue paint. I quickly shoved them in the tub with the soap and wash cloth, ran out to the screaming baby on the floor, tried to feed him, but I swear every 2 seconds the boys are screaming at each other, “He pulled my hair” “He looked at my toe” “He looked at my face” “He bit me” “He blah blah blah blahhhhhh” So then I’m yelling at them to stop acting like little assholes to each other (I didn’t actually say assholes out loud to them, but it took everything in me not to), put the baby down again (sorry third child), took them out of the tub, and drained it like any normal person would. KICKER, I forgot that we are having an issue with the drain pipe when the tub drains, so now my laundry room is filled with nasty blue pee water.
Good news? My husband came home at a decent hour, I didn’t kill the kids, and I have wine! Cheers!